Writing about India

This is an excerpt from the article "How to write about Africa" By Binyvanga Wainaina. Amazing article. Sarcastic and angry way of telling people the African stereotypes that are repeatedly used by European author till date."

How to Write about Africa

Always use the word 'Africa' or 'Darkness' or 'Safari' in your title. Subtitles may include the words 'Zanzibar', 'Masai', 'Zulu', 'Zambezi', 'Congo', 'Nile', 'Big', 'Sky', 'Shadow', 'Drum', 'Sun' or 'Bygone'. Also useful are words such as 'Guerrillas', 'Timeless', 'Primordial' and 'Tribal'. Note that 'People' means Africans who are not black, while 'The People' means black Africans.

Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.

In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. Don't get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn't care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and unparticular.

Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey-brain is an African's cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show that you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it—because you care....... "

And it goes on.

As we laugh about the style of writing and as such, have you ever thought how this very article would be if written about India?

Always include animals roaming on the road and having perfect right of way. Make sure you give disgusting imagery of people defecating on the road, be it men, women or children. India is known for its population so always bring in images of streets filled with people to an insane level where no one can move. Wrinkled faces and bony hands, poor, naked children and roads lined with huts made of straw should always be present in the book. Snake charmers must always be mentioned at least once. Never play upon the fact that India had many scientists and an army among the top five largest. Always mention the inter caste clashes that happen with such absurdity. At least two sentences must be written about beggars troubling rich men, mothers insistent on marrying off their daughters into rich families. And of course make repeated mentions of the "glaring sunshine" "sweltering heat" etc. And remember, there should always be an inherent love story of a forbidden love......

Would that be it?

The difference is, when Wainaina wrote his piece, he was talking about false claims. I was not. 0_0